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August 19, 2008

Month 18

Dear Felix,

Today you turn a year and a half. Time moves both very slowly and very quickly. Last week your new friend Chloe was born and she was so small, which I point out only to reference how much you've grown since you were merely a week old. There are so many things you can do and so many things you have already done. And with everyday you are more and more wonderful. And heavy. Yes, more wonderful and more heavy.

These past two months brought on a bunch of changes in your life which you have taken in stride. Not that it's all been smooth sailing and some has come with quite a bit of heart ache on my part but i guess that's what motherhood is all about. Heartache. And Worry.

You have, after nearly two months, allowed me to leave you at day care without any fuss at all. Thank you. You are near the top of the age range in your group, which I'm not crazy about because that blossoming I was anticipating hasn't really materialized. However, you generally seem to like it there and make a point to peek through the window of the door to the room to wave bye bye to all the kids again after I pick you up. The bike ride home is spent sharing your thoughts on the day which always include lots of gesturing. Last Friday on our ride home you were going on and on pointing and saying things in beats of three as in "put that down" "close the door" "the cat meows".

While you still don't have any words, you are really good with mimicking the beat and the tone of the words and sounds you hear. You father thinks you might have perfect pitch. No words, but you have a great deal of understanding of what is being said around you and to you. You can when asked, for example, bring the dust pan in from the other room. Which convinces me that you can actually "come here Felix" or "don't rattle the gate Felix" when I ask, it's just that you choose not to. What you are bursting with FM is personality and one which is constantly exploring so at times you don't obey. You know, sshhhh, don't tell anyone, I think that's ok. You seem to have a keen sense of when I really mean it or when I merely suggest it.

You love dressing up. You are learning about your shoes and arms through sleeves. You love wearing hats or hoods and your most brightly colored clothing. You respond to other peoples reactions and I think deep down aim to please and to entertain which is perhaps why you love wearing the outfits that garner the most ooohs and ahhhs.

You continue to love books and insist that I point out what the various things on the page are by taking my hand and moving it around the page. Once it's certain to you, like ball, you will point it out yourself each time we turn the page. I get the sense you remember the story and have distinct desires to hear this or that one given a particular mood.

You still have only 8 teeth. You have never had meat for this reason. Although, I'm tempted by now to give you a bite of my hamburger or the roasted chicken. I'm finding the separate meals a bit tedious. Well, the separate meals is perhaps more of a result of your early bed time.

For the past two weeks we've been living at the garden house. I love living there with you. It's small, safe, green, and very cozy. You help with the raking of the grass clipping and filling the bucket with things for the compost. You also enjoy helping me sweep the floors daily. You LOVE plucking the black berries and somehow had a knack for picking the ripe ones, though your lust for eating them is quicker than the ripening process and you have moved on to unripe ones. You know not to get tangled in the prickly vines of the raspberry bush and call for me to pluck a ripe one that is out of reach. You can run the course to the jungle gym in the play ground unassisted which is particularly impressive as many of the bars are set pretty far apart. I also love let you snuggle in bed with us which at home we can't do because of loft.

You are slowly but surely learning the body parts and can fairly reliably point out ears, nose, mouth, eyes. You have added a few moves to your Dancing Felix repetoire and are learning, inspired by Emmett, the shoulder shimmy which you can't at all do you but you try every time I say shoulder shimmy and sometimes also when you hear your last name, Shuldiner.

I don't know FM, there is really so much more. You really all that and I super love you and I really hope I do right by you. And I happen to know that your dad super loves you too because the other day he said he was going to give up eating potato chips since he was worried you would become a junk food freak. FM, if that's not love, I don't know what is.


Posted by talia at August 19, 2008 1:35 PM


Wait a second, I said I was going to give up eating chips at the garden because it's too small to hide them from him, though it occurs to me I could just keep them in the barn where he's not allowed to go anyway. However, it is true that I superlove him.

I wonder if all children are so drawn to potato chips or if he has inherited my deep love for them. Either way, it's kind of scary. Still, he just isn't old enough to understand that the chips he's getting here in NL are hardly worth the name and not really worth the eating, so we will continue to keep he and they apart. Likewise with meat: I kind of feel you should be old enough to at least understand there's a moral decision there before indulging. Still, I wonder if that will stop me from slipping him a bit of kimchee pork at dinner tonight....

Posted by: Felix's father at August 19, 2008 2:22 PM

ALL children are drawn to potato chips. papa (potatoe in canary-spanish) was yone's 2nd word (after auto).
I hide them too.

Posted by: cisca at August 27, 2008 2:57 PM

this is in response to your line "i guess that's what motherhood is all about. Heartache. And Worry." - yes, Heartache. And Worry, but that is not what is ALL about. There is a heavy dose of sweet rewards, of nachat, of happiness, of sense of continuity. Continue to enjoy this best part of life.

Posted by: savta at September 3, 2008 4:52 AM