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November 11, 2010

What the floor saw

Baby development as perceived by the kitchen floor:

Day 1: Where did everyone go?
Day 3: Whoa, bleach! They've never done this to me before! They've never even mopped me before. I wonder what's going on?
Day 4, 5, 6, 8-22, 24, 27, 29-44, 45-56, 58, 59: Uh, I was sleeping, would you mind turning that light back off? It's like 2 AM, or 3 or something, what gives? Get a routine already. And would you mind keeping the noise down?
Day 60: Hey, what's this? Oh, a baby! How cute...eeew! Stop that! Get your face off me! By the way, that bleach episode some time ago was the first and last time they mopped me. Just so you know.
Day 61-120: Really? Again?
Day 121: Huh, new furniture. I wonder what this is for. Oh.
Day 122-160: Ooops, you dropped something. Ah, there you go. Heh, uh, you dropped it again, I think it's a spoon. Found it, good for you! Sorry to bug, but you dropped it again. There it goes! And here it comes! Wow, this is really tedious. Really, really tedious.
Day 161-175: Ooops, you dropped something. I think it's a carrot. Yes, it is a carrot, a very, very wet carrot. Oh look, here comes another one. It's over here, under the bench. Hello? Aren't you going to pick it up? Whoa, here comes another one.
Day 176: Wow, I really have a lot of dessicated vegetables lying on me. I'm not saying I need to be mopped or anything radical like that, but perhaps someone could do a little pick up?
Day 177: Hi vacuum cleaner, boy am I glad to see you! You missed those vegetables over there. Over there! No, don't go away!
Day 178: Eew. That's not going to come off once it's dried so can you please wipe that up now? Hello? Anyone?
Day 179: Hey, you meant to do that!
Day 180: Really? This is how it's going to be for now on?

Yes, floor, this is how it's going to be for now on. Happy Birthday Gideon.

Posted by atshuldiner at November 11, 2010 10:24 AM